2. AFFIRMATION/PRAISE.
The bible says we should:
“Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him, and bless His name.”
Psalms 100:4
God will never let a negative person into his presence. He won’t. We enter into God’s presence with praise, but remember, we’re made in the image of God. This is the holy of holies. You can talk to me in a disrespectful tone, but you’re not getting in here, and you’ll never influence me till you get in here. The same is true of men and women; it’s universal. If you’re going ever to be successful in communicating with your wife or husband, you have to begin with a positive tone, and you have to praise her. Negativity destroys marriages. You can say negative things, but you have to be careful how you say them, and you earn your right to say those by saying a lot of positive things. However, praise means this: when you come to me, and you affirm/praise me, and you focus on my strengths and don’t become critical and focus on my weakness, I’ll open my courts to you, and that means my heart of hearts.
[Tweet “Praise means this: when you come to me, and you praise me, and you focus on my strengths and don’t become critical and focus on my weakness, I’ll open my courts to you, and that means my heart of hearts.”]You enter into my gates with thanksgiving, and you enter into my courts with praise, because I am made in the image of God. So when you become critical or negative, you’re not going to get into her/his heart, and you’re not going to be intimate. You’re not going to have a good marriage. You’re not going to communicate till you’re communicating on a heart level successfully. You can talk to his/her ears any way you want to. That’s called noise. However, if you’re going to communicate to his/her heart, it is the holy of holies, and she/he won’t open the gates to you until you praise him/her. Moreover, praise is a discipline that keeps us focused on what is right. Praise gets you to remember why you fell in love with that individual, and when praise leaves, criticism always comes, because there’s no such thing as a void.
[Tweet “You enter into my gates with thanksgiving, and you enter into my courts with praise, because I am made in the image of God. #MarriageWorksToday #PastorJP”]You don’t have a marriage where there’s no praise and no criticism. When the positive goes, the negative comes in. So, we keep the negative away by focusing on positive things. Moreover, when people argue, and this is proved in research a conversation never rises above the level of the first 3 minutes. When you start a conversation negatively, by accusing, by criticising, by coming at your spouse aggressively, you have doomed the communication, and you need to stop it and walk away and come back in an hour or two and apologise and start again.
Because you don’t start a conversation by accusing and being negative, you start a conversation by saying “I love you, and we’re on the same team, and I’m committed to our relationship, and I’m glad I married you.” We need to be positive first then inject your request and finish with an affirmation. This method of communication is known as a Sandwich method and it’s effective Ashleigh Salter explains it so well on her blog titled How to Serve Your Spouse a Communication Sandwich.
