If you are ever going to be healthy, to have a harmonious relationship with your spouse, children, colleagues or friends, you will need to learn to forgive. Holding on to wrongs done to you will eat away at your soul, and eventually your body and mind.
For most of us who have lived a little can relate to this topic of forgiveness. My intention on this series is to bring us to a new level of understanding, and practical application in our varied relationships.
What Exactly is Forgiveness or Forgive
To many of us, our understanding of forgiveness is something we receive from the person who offended us. This understanding of forgiveness is ultimately damaging to oneself; putting this into context in your relationship. One tends to be more upset about the fact that your spouse hasn’t asked you for forgiveness, more than the issue at hand. Some individuals will go as far as to shut their mind from all your efforts to resolve the conflict until they first hear you begging, pleading for forgiveness before they can have a conversation with you. All of this kind of behaviour is wrong and very poisonous to you and your relationships.
Before we dive into what is forgiveness lets us acquaint ourselves with what forgiveness is not first.
Forgiveness is Not:
Saying “That’s okay.”
What took place was wrong, whether it was done to me or by me, whether I had any control in the situation. The very reality that it was so wrong makes forgiveness necessary.
Staying to be wounded, or hurt again.
I can forgive and still shield myself (and also others I care about) from more injury, if needed. Forgiveness does not imply putting myself in another person’s control that is likely to harm me once again.
Assuming the relationship will be repaired.
The connection with the one who hurt me may be recovered, yet I can forgive whether or not that takes place. So it’s not predicated on the other person but, me.
A feeling, or an emotion
By taking forgiving steps, they typically lead to forgiving feelings. However, if I wait for my feelings or emotions, I will certainly never take the steps towards forgiveness!
Certain misunderstandings about forgiveness have made the idea a lot harder for some. That does not suggest it’s simple! It may be just one of the hardest things you will certainly need to do to have healthy relationships. Yet it is real that the only way to be free from the power of the wrong, hurt, done to you is to forgive.
So What Then Is Forgiveness:
I describe forgiveness as – a conscious effort, a deliberate choice to let go, to eject feelings of resentment or revenge towards an individual or group of people who have actually harmed you, no matter whether they really deserve your forgiveness.
The root word of “forgive” is the Latin word “perdonare,” meaning “to give completely, without reservation.” (That “perdonare” is also the source of our English “pardon.”) To understand further that forgiveness is more about us giving completely, without reservation. Think this way when you forgive someone you’re giving to yourself a gift of freedom, mental, emotional and spiritual freedom.
[Tweet “Think of forgiveness as giving to yourself a gift of freedom, mental, emotional and spiritual freedom. JPMunupe“]Giving to yourself – shifts the paradigm, the norm of how we have understood forgiveness. It’s no longer about the other person but you, embracing this reality, brings freedom opening doors for healing and restoration. Freedom from what you are asking? Freedom from the poison of toxic emotions, bitterness, resentment, and vindictive passions.
Someone said “Bitterness and unforgiveness don’t pay. Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Okay, that’s pretty graphic, and I can’t take credit for coming up with that analogy. But that’s what bitterness and unforgiveness do. It’s seriously toxic physically, not to mention emotionally and spiritually.
Forgiveness Is:
Is a Decision
At the root core of it, forgiveness is a decision that is not predicated upon mental reasoning or feelings of pity, but a quality decision, a choice to forgive. If you don’t arrive at that choice quickly and wait for the right moment, you open yourself to the poison of unforgiveness. So be decisive and quick to forgive always.
Is a Process
Forgiveness is a process that requires courage, consistency and determination to stand daily on the first point (your decision to forgive). The tip is to keep on walking on the path of forgiveness. For you to be able to forgive – to “give completely, without reservation,” you need to be able to absorb the reality that you require to do it for you and not somebody else.
[Tweet “Forgiveness isn’t a weakness; it’s the ultimate sign of courage and strength. – JPMunupe“]In Conclusion
Forgiveness puts an end to the control the painful or wicked event, or individual had on my mind and also heart. It’s the sure way to bring about healing. Forgiveness may be challenging. However, it is possible, and well worth it!
Your turn: Have you had a hard time to forgive? What were the points you discovered valuable as you learned forgiveness? I would certainly enjoy reading your comments!
Did this assist you in your journey? Show us some love share with friends.
Next, we shall look at:
How to Apply Forgiveness in Marriage and
Why Must I Cultivate A Forgiving Heart
