Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.
Song of Solomon 8:6-7 ESV
LOVE – is the greatest force on this earth, yet we use the word so loosely and carelessly that it has lost its full meaning within our generation. We use the word love, all the time in our daily conversations such – All right, my love, I love that car and so on. Then we also use it when we get that warm fuzzy feeling, butterflies in our bellies and interpret it as love.
As you can gather the true meaning of Love has been contaminated, corrupted by so many things, and this has caused many to fall out of love. Oops, I said it falling out of Love.
In the Bible, the word love has deep meaning, and the actual root of the word in Greek is broken down into four different ways as to how the word love is used. Let’s dive in and uncover how these four various love aspects are used in our day to day lives and how they apply to loving your spouse.
Eros – Ancient Greek: ἔρως érōs) – “Erotic, Romantic Love.”
When a man and a woman are attracted to each other and are drawn by what the other person does or say, then this we intercept as in love. It’s more sensual that “love at first sight” couples often lose themselves for a while, when everything they see, hear, is amplified by the emotions both of them feel. This type of love pretends to give love, but actually, it only takes. The other term often used here is “Love is blind” this love usually leaves people blinded to the other person’s shortcomings, and all the red flags. It only seeks for what it can get or benefit from the other person. So that can be his money, cars, house, security and even sex. Once any of those things are taken away, then one loses interest and with the time that love feeling dies, thus falling out of love.
This type of love is also very much emotionally driven; 99 % of the decisions one makes in Eros are emotionally driven. The sad thing about this is that it’s the one most marriages are built upon and no wonder we have 50% rate of all marriages end in divorce because Eros alone can’t sustain a life long love. Marriage is a covenant that does require a full understanding of all aspects of love, and my personal view and recommendation are to start with Agape – God’s love as the foundation of a life long marriage.
Philia (Ancient Greek: φιλία philía) – “Friendship Love or Brotherly Love.”
Friendship love is the key to any life long love, and I would recommend this as the starting point to a healthy marriage. There is one thing I have seen in healthy long lasting marriages is friendship, that has brought the couple together closer and opened channels of communications that have helped resolve conflicts. There are a few marriages that both couples are not best of friends, and they try to manage their differences.
Friendship is essential to understand and know the other person’s temperament, attitude, personality, communication style, fighting style to show genuine care. Friendship is the foundation of deep intimacy between a husband and wife. Friendship helps to nature that closeness, togetherness, attachment, confidentiality, warm feelings, mutual affection and understanding.
It’s important to know that a man wants to be treated like a king, respected as a man, admired like a hero, and inspired to be all he can be. And when that happens, his wife reaps the benefits! Likewise, for a woman she wants to be cherished like a queen, adored, for her to feel great affection, admired, appreciated, cared for and protected. And when that happens, her husband reaps the benefits as well!
Agape ( Ancient Greek: ἀγάπη agápē)- “God’s Love for man, and man for God.”
It is that God kind of love, the unconditional LOVE, this is the highest kind of Love and never gives up but keeps on loving the unloveable. Agape Love comes from God and is sustained by God in one’s heart. As a born again Christians, part of that process is our hearts get filled with God’s Love; Apostle Paul put’s it this way:
And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. Romans 5:5 Berean Study Bible
Agape Love is the stuff that holds the marriage as well as a family through all kinds of difficult periods. It’s the selfless, unconditional sort of love that nudges you to forgive one another, to value each other every day. Sadly, lots of modern-day married couples believe that when romantic love is lagging, there’s nothing left to bind a marital relationship together. However, Agape Love is the adhesive that maintains your connection while you restore other areas that require more attention.
Storge (Ancient Greek: στοργή storgē) – “Love, Affection” for your “Spouse, of Parents and Children.”
It is the common or natural empathy, like that is felt by parents for this child or the affection your spouse has for you expressed through touching of hands, hugs, or a kiss. It’s a genuine expression of one’s heart full of devotion towards your spouse, children and loved ones. Storge love is the most natural way of creating bonds with your children and spouse despite the many roadblocks along the way in your family.
In my African culture, I have come across grown men and women who have never been hugged by their father or kissed by their mother. Storge Love has to be based on a commitment from both spouses to sustaining a healthy, strong marriage and family home. As a married couple, storge love must be cultivated, intentionally hug, kiss, hold hands express affection. It’s that commitment to show affection that speaks louder than your words can when your spouse has rubbed you the wrong way, or your child has messed up.
There must also be more than just the actions that we use to show we care. There must be a decision to love. There must be a conscious intent to love even when we do not feel loved ourselves, when we do not feel like loving our spouse, and when we do not feel like our spouse is lovable. This type of love, Storge, is a conscious decision to be committed, and it is based on trust, and faith within the special relationship.
5 Ways to Express Storge Love
1. We should continue to date our spouses for the duration of our lives. We should learn, and relearn them as they (and we) grow, change, and mature over time.
2. We should pray and study with our spouses regularly and often. Seeking God with our spouses is just as important as individual time. The Lord is the great sustainer, healer, comforter, and supplier. Seeking Him as a couple should be a top priority in the covenant.
3. We should take an interest in our spouses’ hobbies. This may, or may not mean taking up the hobby. At least, it should include supporting events and genuinely trying to understand the content that excites our spouses.
4. We should attend marriage seminars, retreats, and conferences for regular maintenance; attending those designed for couples, and those that are gender specific.
5. We should verbally assure our spouses of our commitment to them and live up to what we say. This is done in several subtle or even non-verbal ways, but it is crucial also to verbally say, “I am committed to you and this marriage. I will do what it takes to make it last.”
